Its interesting, I really didn’t to discuss on this until Monday. Brittany May’s made the most impact on me. The thing itself obviously is not a think of fear to me, but the act of her talking about being A-sexual was a very courageous thing to do… for anyone. I responded so greatly to it was because as we are all humans we are all curious about everything in our lives. It takes something special to talk about something so intimately. It just amazes me. I know for a fact that I have only opened up like that to less people than I can count on one hand. The way it impacted on my project: not a whole lot. I feel though the information being passed was different, the same overall fear of speaking about something so personal is the same, though her’s was more personal. I tried to take out some of the intimacy in my own project. The rubric is met.
There is something that I truly find amazing about people. Throughout high school I liked to stay quiet, observe, and see how people respond to different situations. I get amazed we I get a chance to see someone for who they are, to know something intimate about them. It goes into the understanding of that person. I really do feel honored that she could open up to us.
I delivered my fear assignment. I realize now that for the most part I did not do a proper fear experiment in the literal since. I just mainly talked about how death and my brother mentally scare the crap out of me and makes it extremely uncomfortable. The observation of the class was a little difficult because of how hard it was to talk about the subject matter. But for the most part I believe that I was on par with my initial assessment that the class would be split into uncomfortable and sad. I believe that people, especially when talking about death have a problem dealing with death as a whole and only a handful could really relate.
As for a change to the project, on my end, I would actually add an experiment to it. An idea that I had would be to have the entire class, one at a time, say either the name of someone they have lost or fear the most to lose, or have them write it down and then keep that paper on them for 24 hours and see how having just that piece of paper on them makes them feel through out the 24 hours and if it has any effect for the rest of the week.
My expectations are the a third of the class will empathize with me through a similar situation and the rest will be sad or disheartened. And maybe just one or two that don’t care.
It was an interesting movie about quantum physics. I felt a little bored while watching the movie because quantum physics is something that I have been interested in since I was in middle school. I always thought the idea of something that we cannot see has an infinite amount of positions until you look at it. And also I experienced quantum physics in the class room. In chemistry quantum physics is used to describe the movement of electrons in an atom because the electrons do not move through the space between electron orbitals, they just sort of teleport there. It is a fantastic way of looking at it. Also now they are on a breakthrough of technology in which they are currently developing the first quantum processor. So you would be able to access data instantaneously at any given point. And they are saying that this would be the first big step towards an artificial intelligence system. All very fascinating to me.
The thing that stood out to me the most was just talking about the frear assignment. Just thinking about what I want to do makes me a little nervous. For one, physical fears to me are easy to get past. One of my greatest fears are spiders. But when I was a plumber, it came down to me having to do a job. I needed to be in crawl-spaces. Now there is a place full of creepy crawlers. I could get by it. I had them on me, they bit me, but I could over come it. So its the mental ones that I have the most trouble with. My biggest fear, as I talked about in class, is to succeed. But I already touched on it and didn’t want to bore people. So number 2 is death. I am truly afraid of dying, my friends dying, my family dying. A lot of people don’t know that I have a half-brother. It is because I’m afraid of the news I’m waiting for. But I will save it for the project.
The discussions of the “What if…” questions. It was interesting to see everybody else’ thought of what if questions. For me I focused on turning points in my life. The actual points where I know a decision has affected my life and possibly the lives around me. like: What if I decided to stay in band rather that play football in high school? What if I got married the first time around? All these things are the things that I think about when looking inward. I think that I might believe in the idea of parallel universe where each decision splinters reality and continues on another path giving a infinite amount of universes where they could be so familiar that you couldn’t find the difference to the nazis running the world. I don’t know why I think in this manner, it could be that I live with regret, even though I try not to. I have tried to find this understanding in myself but have yet to find it, or I could just be in denial.
For the vision board I really had to take a look at a lot of different examples. I’m not necessarily a crafty person. But as I was going through examples online I found that a lot were very chaotic. I even had trouble sometimes trying to figure out what their vision was. So for me I need to find a more simple one that I could use as a template. In mine I decided to focus on just 4 areas of my life that I actually want. The other areas can be whatever but the most important to me are my family, career, travels, and my health. I realized later that the homework asks for one of our “if” questions to take a look at to overcome with the vision board. In a way I kind of did but for the most part mine is just a more generic vision board. But, if I could associate an “if” question to it, it would be question number 1: What if I succeed?
This “if” question is one of the hardest questions that I have been asking myself lately. This is partly due with the fact that it might be one of my greatest fears at the moment. For me failing is easy and comfortable. I am use to it. Since high school that has been my life. I failed out of college. My fiance, at the time, left me, I started plumbing and was just 6 months from finishing a 4 year apprenticeship, but was laid off and couldn’t finish without a new job. I am used to bouncing around to different jobs, barely making bills and money for food. I lived in my car for a week. I’ve tried to save my brother to no affect. For me, in my bubble, I have had a hard life full of disappointment. So failing for me is easy.
But what if I do succeed? What if I finish college and get the job and start the career that I want? What if my family does well and we live the way we want? Well…. this is my basis for my vision board. A life full of success… and it scares me.